Coping In Quarantine With Miss Tea Maven

Basic Background / Fun Questions

Boyznbetti: What year did you start playing roller derby, and what got you interested in the sport?

Miss Tea Maven: 2012! I had a friend drag me into it, because she was scared to go by herself.  When I got there, the coach had size 13 mens skates that didn’t fit me at all. But I tried it anyway.  I had never skated before and I fell SO MANY TIMES. But I had so much fun! My friend quit two weeks later… and well, I kept going I guess! 

Boyz: What are the main positions do you play or what positions do you most like to play?

Maven: I am forced to play jammer all the time for some reason.  But I started my career as a pivot! And I really, really like to pivot! 

Boyz:  What teams have you played for and what teams are you on now?

Maven: 

2012 - 2012 // Long Island Roller Rebels

2013 - 2013 // Gotham: Wall Street Traitors

2013 - Current // Brooklyn Bombshells

2014 - Current // Gotham: All Stars 

2015 - Current // New York All Stars

2016 - Current // Team East (Rollercon)

Boyz:  If you could pick an ideal pack of players who would be in your pack?

Maven: My current team for sure.  Bonita, Roxy, Violet, and Daryl or Yeti or Livvie or anyone of my blockers currently! 

Boyz: How has the game changed since you started playing derby?

Maven: We had minors when I first started playing! As well as knee starts and two whistle starts and all these other mechanics that made the game WAY more complicated to explain to people.  It’s really gotten faster, and “simpler”.

Mental Health/Strength Questions

Boyz:  I was lucky enough last year to sit in on a really moving, really raw, open discussion about Mental Health that you did at RollerCon.  For people that don’t know you or your journey, could you share a little about the challenges you’ve faced both in life and your derby career?

Maven: Sure! And thank you for coming to my talk by the way!  

Since I was 13 I have been diagnosed as Major Depressive.  My mother at the time didn’t believe the “quack doctors” and refused to put me on the medication they were prescribing.  I don’t blame her though, it’s a lot for someone to tell you your 13 year old daughter is suicidal and depressive.  

I never had friends growing up, my family (mother, brother, and me) moved at least 7-8 times when my mom divorced my dad when I was three.  It was a very unstable household, and my mom suffered from her own very strong mental disorders, and I was often blamed for being a terrible worthless child.  It really sank in with me, and growing up I thought I only caused other people pain and suffering and I had no worth.  

I was a good student, smart, and things came easily to me. But I hated school.  I would pretend to be “sick” all the time so I wouldn’t have to go. The children at school made fun of me, and threw things at me.  And I was forced to sit at the “detention” table at lunch so the other students would just leave me alone. Often they would make fun of what I was eating, or how I was eating it, so I became incredibly self conscious around food.  This started my initial anorexic behaviors that I wouldn’t even realize I had until I was 24. 

I struggled for a really long time after high school.  I tried being “normal” and going to college, but my extreme anxieties with social situations and school made it impossible.  So I dropped out after a semester.

I went back home and tried to be an “adult” I got a place, and a job, and just tried to “live”.  I was still majorly depressed and felt like my life was pointless, I had no direction, no aspirations, and no one who cared about me besides my mother. 

I tried to commit suicide 3 times during this period.  And eventually found myself admitted to the psych ward in the hospital after a particularly close call that scared me.  I called 911 on myself, as I was home alone at the time.

The hospital was the WORST experience of my life. and I don’t want to go into detail - but I got 2 things out of it. #1 I became very good at hiding my feelings (to try to trick the doctors to letting me go home) and #2 I was finally on medication.

The medication helped calm down my extreme emotions immensely, and I believed in the long run, saved my life.

Also during this time I discovered roller derby, and the amazing, supportive community that it contains. 

I’m skipping ahead here a bit, but I was married, then I got divorced in 2015 that really set off my anorexia.  I stopped eating, I worked out 3x a day. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to eat until I had at least 1 hour of hard working out.  So if I couldn’t work out that day, I wouldn’t eat. I only weighed 115 pounds from 2015-2016. But I was still an ok jammer so I didn’t think it was a problem.

My current partner really helped me learn that what I was doing was not ok in the least.  So with him I’ve put on lots of healthy weight (I’m 160 now) and I’ve never been stronger on the track!

After that, there is the ACL injury that I suffered last year, 2019.  I’m still recovering from that. But if it wasn’t for my partner, my medication, and the amazing roller derby family and community.  I absolutely wouldn’t be here today.

Boyz:  This is truly a new world with quarantine and having to shift our perspectives.  How are you doing in all of this? What kind of things do you focus on in times like this?

Maven: It’s SO HARD. I have a job, so I am very privileged to still be able to work and get my mind off of things.  However, battling my depression has been extremely difficult without the fun of roller derby practice and games. It’s very easy for me to isolate myself completely, so it’s been a real struggle to stay connected to everyone!

Boyz:  Obviously with the state of the world our derby seasons have a later start and affected our time on skates.  What advice do you have for new skaters?

Maven: Stay focused!  Give yourself challenges, try on your skates and do footwork in your living room.  Write down your goals for the month and make sure they are small and attainable and stick to it!  Having an “accountability Buddy” is extremely helpful - keep each other honest and on track! If you can’t motivate yourself, lean on someone to help you find the motivation.

Boyz:  What is the best advice that anyone ever gave you or that you share with others?

Maven: This is a tough one…. so much good advice.  It’s hard to pick one, but a mantra that I remind myself constantly is “It’s ok to not be ok” - as long as you are working towards your goals and not giving up, you can really accomplish anything!  And being “ok” with not being perfect has helped my mental struggles immensely. 

Boyz:  What are some of your favorite activities that you’ve done while in quarantine?

Maven: I’m a giant nerd. So I’ve been playing a lot of video games like World of Warcraft, and Assassins Creed Odyssey.  Other than that, I’ve been working out (virtually) with my teammates, watching movies with my partner, and playing with my animals!

Boyz:  Is there anything else you’d want to share with people going through a hard time right now?

Maven: Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything at all! I am here for you MissTeaMaven@gmail.com Send me pictures of your animals. <3